Thursday, June 10, 2010


Sometimes, it feels as though I will never be done with my apartment renovations and that I am not accomplishing anything. Time to list everything I’ve done so far, in a somewhat linear manner:
I started by shredding old documents and taking electronic waste and hazardous materials (household cleaning chemicals and old paint, trying to go green here) to recycling.
I gave an armoire to a friend and donated my entertainment center to Out of the Closet. I also donated books to a thrift store and a bunch of miscellaneous items to a charity yard sale for doggie rescue.
The place has been painted and the new carpet laid down, so now, the furniture is back in place.
I have put all the books back in my two bookcases and put away most of my clothing.
I have put all the furniture and plants back on my balcony. I’ve actually done quite a bit when I read this. It helps to clear my headspace to organize my thoughts on what I want to do next.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Feeling sorry for myself

Recently, I became aware of how I feel sorry for myself. For example, I have a skin condition that comes and goes. There are topical treatments for it that help, but I can’t use it a lot because of side effects. And I’ve noticed that the better I eat, the better my skin feels and looks. But during a recent flare-up, I was having a “Why meeee?” moment, when I realized that I was having a self-pity party.
So I decided to just go with it and allow myself to indulge in how unfair it was. I gave myself a time limit, in this case, five minutes. I sat down and just went with the mood. After about, oh maybe 30 seconds, I started laughing. And got over myself.
Next time I start to go on about the unfairness of it all, I’m going to give myself a time limit to indulge. I’ll bet the same thing happens again. Self-pity really only works if you resist it. If you allow, it goes away really, really fast.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Giving myself credit where credit is due.

You ever get down on yourself for not doing the stuff on your to-do list? Or for not working out, or for eating junk food, or for any one of the eight zillion you “should” be doing? Me too. So I decided to fight back against those voices in my head that tell me I’m lazy, I’m wasting my life, I’m this, I’m that. First of all, when I start to trash myself, I will stop it immediately. All those nasty little voices do not pay any rent, so they are getting booted. (And no, I don’t ‘hear’ voices. This is all the negative crap that we all learn over the years from various sources. I’m not crazy. And I’m not playing their game anymore).So I decided that I will start noticing all the things that I get done, that I accomplish. Could be finishing all the things on my to-do list for that day. Could be taking the day for myself and doing whatever the hell I want that day, with no feeling of wasting the day.On Sunday, I did six loads of laundry, went through several boxes and selected stuff to donate to a charity yard-sale, vacuumed, gave Miss May her sub-q fluids, prepped my breakfast and lunch to take to work with me the next day.Last night, I finished my laundry and worked on my budget for the next several months. I have several trips coming up and some new furniture to buy. I want to do all of these things without going into debt, hence the budget.I will continue to post these updates. If you have finished a chore, or sat and read or watched something that you enjoyed or even did nothing at all, give yourself a pat on the back. Those nasty little voices hate that and will soon fade off into the distance.

Friday, January 01, 2010


It's a beautiful day. I would like to have many beautiful days this year. I know this is possible because I had many beautiful days last year.

I was able to travel a bit and see friends and family.

I was able to realize that spending time with my family in the here and now is not the fractious irritation it was when I was a child.

I learned that living life as it is now is much better than living life through what happened in the past.

I learned that anticipating things to turn out negatively is a waste of time, because most of the time, they turn out right. And when they don't, it isn't the end of the world.

I learned that drama is boring, but passion isn't. Passion makes life interesting and exciting. Drama leaves me agitated and stuck. Passion moves me forward.

I learned that getting things to happen immediately is fun but fulfillment of a goal that I've worked a long time getting to is rewarding on levels that I haven't even become aware of yet.

I learned there's many people out there in the ether writing the most amazing stuff and posting it on their blogs where I can read it for free. I have read many things that helped me get from January 1, 2009 to January 1, 2010, in a far better mind-set than I've ever had. Things made me stop and think; things that I read that clarified what I was working on at that moment in time. It's all a step forward on the path.

I learned that sitting around on my ass may be fun (what is 'fun', anyway?) but getting up and moving around makes me feel better.

I learned that helping someone else is one of the best things I can do for myself, whether it's lending an ear to someone's problems or giving money to a worthy cause. My worthy causes this year were and Both are places where the money I donate goes directly to the recipient, not to some anonymous organization.

I have learned a great deal of patience this year. My mother had a diagnosis of moderate dementia, she has terrible short-term memory issues. Visiting her as I do every three months or so (she lives 500 miles away) is a crash course on patience, as she asks the same question over and over again every few minutes. She can't remember what I said and this is not her fault. Patience is not my strongest attribute and by the third day of our visit, I'm always starting to crack. But I'm learning.

I learned that I have some really great friends and some really great family, some I see almost every day and some I only get to talk to on the phone or via email. But they are all great people and I am fortunate to have them in my life. My life would be much emptier without them.

I think my biggest lesson this year is that nothing about my life is all that complicated, unless I make it that way. Do I want to eat better? Yes and it just as easy to eat food that is actually tasty (and may have the added attraction of being good for me) as it is to eat junk food. Do I want to exercise more? Yes, and all I have to do is stand and walk. Couldn't be simpler. Do I want to be actively involved in my own life? Yes, I do and all I have to do is disconnect from the electronic distractions. Turning off the TV, if there isn't something specific I want to see; turning off the computer instead of spending hours on the internet looking for something interesting and not doing something interesting.

Life isn't complicated, I make it that way. In 2009, I started to realize that gradually throughout the year. In 2010, I hope that I am able to remember the lessons I learned and continue to add to them. I would like to have many beautiful days this year.