Update

So since my last post, I have been eating better, exercising more, working harder and ignoring this blog.  I also went to Cloverdale for a few days, so my brother and I could work on the storage units.  We have a couple, a large one my brother had and a smaller one he rented when Mom moved into assisted living.  Both units had stuff from Mom's house in them and we needed to go through everything and consolidate.  Now that both of our parents are gone, I arranged to take a couple of days off work and fly to Sonoma County.  I got there Thursday morning and after driving to my brother's, we had lunch and then started in on the units.  My poor brother had caught a bad cold the day before I arrived.  I kept telling him not to push it but he worked very hard even though he was really under the weather.  We hauled a queen size box spring and mattress along with some other trash to the dump and returned back to the storage facility.  We then loaded up the back of the truck and hauled it down to the Salvation Army.  Here's what you have to understand about Cloverdale.  It's a very small town and if the traffic light is with you, you can go from one end of town to the other in about a minute and a half.  But it takes at least 15 - 20 minutes to get anywhere else.  And since the back of the truck was loaded, we stayed off the highway and took the back road, so it took even longer.  I entertained myself by videoing the drive, off and on: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4YbsPxq1b0 .  It's kinda blurry, as one would expect from a video shot out the window of a moving truck.  But it's really beautiful up there and I don't mind the drive to the dump in such a place. Anyway, over the course of three days, we took one truckload to the dump and seven or eight truckloads to the Salvation Army.  We moved the bed, furniture, a refrigerator, boxes and boxes of stuff.  I hadn't realized that even the haphazard amount of exercising I was doing before I went would make such a huge difference in what I was able to accomplish.  I lifted heavy items, worked hard for several hours each day and even though I was tired and sore, I didn't feel lethargic and exhausted like I used to.

Something else that kinda hit me sideways was the level of emotion that was attached to dealing with our parents stuff.  I didn't cry or anything, it was more of a melancholy feeling but it lasted for days even after I returned home.  It was another reminder that that whole generation in our family is really gone.  My family tends to live a long time: Gramma was 103 when she passed, Grampa was 90.  My uncle was 93, my aunt 88.  Mom was 85, Dad was a relatively young 74.  So all those people who were there my entire life, it seems they went so quickly and there's an odd empty space where they were.  Add to that, the worry over my brother doing too much, plus his stress over a relationship with a member of the family that's very rocky right now, it was overall a tough weekend.  I knew I was right to worry about him, he had a bad case of pneumonia the week after I left.  He's doing better now, but it was a rough one.

When I came back, my intention was to start back up working out right away, I was so pleased with how much stronger I felt while cleaning out the storage units.  But it was several days before I actually did anything.  I would go to work, come home, sit down "just for a minute" and wake up a couple hours later.  I was more tired than I knew.  Before I went to Sonoma, I decided that it was time to commit to working out harder, so I ordered the Insanity workout.  I needed something that was tough, that was different and that, if I did it for the 60 days, I would be in much better shape than I am now.  I started that this week.  The first day was the actual fitness test, which was tough enough.  There are things that I can't do right now, so I modify and do what I can.  For example, at my weight, I can't jump in the air.  As a matter of fact, it had been so long since I'd jumped, I couldn't remember how.  So I braced my hands on the counter and gave a little jump, more of a hop really.  And that's what I'm doing.  The folks on the video are jumping in the air, I'm hopping.  My goal at the end of 60 days is to be able to do at least full perfect form repetition of each of the exercises on the fitness test.  I really want to be able to do more, but I will be happy if I can do it at all.  Anyway, Insanity is promoted as the toughest workout on dvd.  I don't know if it is but omg, it's hard.  I can't wait for tomorrow to do it again.

Found: 1 Mojo

At least, I hope I found it.  When I was in Quebec last week, I noticed a definite improvement that I put down to the exercise I've been doing.  Jet lag was minimal while I was there, I had much more stamina and balance.  As a matter of fact, I didn't notice any jet lag until the day I returned to L.A. and I think that was because I didn't sleep well the night before.  I think I may slept about two hours total and that wasn't a deep sleep.  I slept a little on the plane on the way back but I was most definitely out of it when I got back home.

At the beginning of the week, I was fine while I was at work but as soon as I got home, I would fall asleep.  It took a couple of days for that to pass so I haven't been consistent with exercise this week.  And after having stomach issues all day yesterday, I don't know how many wake up calls I need to make the changes that I keep saying I want to make. Maybe I should stop talking about it and just do it.

So this weekend, I focused on getting everything caught up, bills are paid, taxes will be done, laundry will be done, etc., etc. I have to go to Trader Joes and then when I return, it's back to 10 minute trainer.  I'm going to the Whiskey tonight to see a quebecois band called Rock IN Soul and I will need the energy that exercise gives me to step out of my normal Sunday night routine.  It's early enough in the day that I can get a lot done today and actually feel like I've accomplished something.  Here I go!

Ack!

The following post may be TMI.  I've been having problems with my gut since I was in Quebec last week.  I wanted to blame it on jet lag when I was up there, but I've had issues all this week and I know it's related to what I've been eating.  I have to finally realize that anything that sours my stomach and makes me start burping, that requires me to reach for an antacid, is something I cannot digest comfortably.  One of the biggest culprits for me is wheat.  I had issues for years before I ever heard of gluten-free and believe me the first time I tried it, there were hardly any GF products on the market and what was there was expensive and not all that wonderful to eat.  But I immediately felt better and I stayed GF for awhile.  But gradually, gluten crept back into my diet and I think because it doesn't cause breathing issues or make me swell up or break out in a rash, I ignore that it is causing problems for me.

I'm going back to the primal diet I was on at the beginning of the year.  I felt great when I was on it and I want to feel that way again.   Lean meats, poultry, seafood, veggies, fruits, nuts, beans.  All of these things I can eat with no problem but I will be cutting out all grains for a bit and then gradually add brown rice and GF products into what I eat.  I will also keep dairy to a minimum.  I don't have an issue with dairy but I eat A LOT of it, so cutting back a bit will be helpful, I think.  I can still drink a glass of wine with dinner.  My biggest hurdle at this point will be dark chocolate.  I LOVE dark chocolate.  I tend to eat sweets mostly out of boredom and laziness but most of it, I can take or leave but dark chocolate is YUMMY!  I will try to avoid it, mostly because of the sugar, but I'm not promising anything.

I'm going to have to be a bit more organized and a little less lazy when it comes to prepping food, especially for lunches this week.  I will cook some chicken and hard boiled eggs to take with me and then get a couple of pre-made salads from Trader Joes.  The less I have to fuss with food at work, the more likely I am to stay with eating this way.  At this point, I'm willing to stay with it to avoid spending more time than I want to in the bathroom.  Sigh...

A mini-vacation

Last week, I took a mini-vacation to Quebec.  I flew into Montreal Thursday night and flew back on Sunday morning.  The flight to Montreal was delayed by 90 minutes, supposed to take off at noon, finally took off about 1:30.  I was just grateful it was non-stop and I didn't have any connecting flights to try and make.  We landed in Montreal about 9:30 p.m. local time.  I didn't know how late the rental car services were open, so I grabbed my carry-on and headed for the parking lot.  Enterprise was still open and they had three people working.  It took almost 30 minutes for me to get my car and there was only one other customer.  To say they were a little disorganized would be an understatement but I finally got the car.  I plugged the address of my hotel into the gps and took off.  The gps had me on the 520 nord instead of the 40 ouest.  I knew as soon as I got out of the airport that I was heading the wrong direction but wasn't sure how to correct my course.  Then I ran into construction on the highway and within about 1 km, the highway completely shut down.

I pulled off the highway onto the access road, saw a Comfort Inn and realized that I had stayed there several years ago.  I drove into the parking lot but there was no place to park, so I drove out again and parked on the side road.  I went into the lobby and waited for the night manager to finish helping the other folks and then explained my dilemma, where I wanted to go and could he give me directions.  He was very nice and tried to be helpful but he kept changing his mind about how I should get there.  Finally, I just went the way he said even though I knew it was still sending me the wrong direction.  In a few minutes, I saw a Hilton and pulled in there.  The night manager there gave me great directions and drew me a little map and I was at my hotel in 5 minutes; it was after 11 p.m. and I was beat.  It took me about an hour to wind down but the hotel room was great.  I had the most comfy king bed and it was so quiet. I had an awesome night's sleep. In the morning, I went to the free breakfast buffet and had scrambled eggs, a toasted bagel with cream cheese and coffee.  Since I got so lost the night before, I went to the business center at the hotel and got some directions to the restaurant that I was going to for dinner and to the theater for the concert that night.

I started going to Quebec in 2001 to see the Quebecois singer Bruno Pelletier perform.  In the intervening years, I've made a bunch of friends, people I've met at his shows.  Now, when I post on FB that I'm coming up, they invite me to their pre-show dinners and gatherings.  It makes me feel very welcome! On Friday night, I met a group of people at La Maison Vert in Ste Genevieve in an area I've heard referred to as the west island. There were several ladies and one young man from Quebec, plus Mew from Japan and Annette from Germany. An international crowd, all there to see Bruno. The food was muy delicioso, I had beef bavette in a mushroom-red wine reduction with mashed potatoes and grilled vegetables.  Very flavorful and rich!  There was also a cup of leek soup to start, tres tasty.  The only downfall was the dessert.  It was bland and doughy and I should have skipped it.   I don't know if it's considered part of Montreal proper or if it's a separate town but Ste Genevieve feels like every small country town I've been to: little pockets of surprises in a town that feels little provincial.  My family lives in a town like that in Sonoma County.

After dinner, I followed Line and Diane over to the theater.  I knew how to get to the theater but it's a good thing I followed them because I would have never found the parking lot in the twilight! "Heavenly shades of night are falling, it's twilight time!"  Wait, where was I? The theater was really nice and I was in the 3rd row just to the right of center stage. The show that night was really great, I think I used the word splendid when I posted on FB. Bruno was in great voice and there were several songs that really stood out.  One was his version of 'Roxanne'.  If I remember correctly, it was just Bruno and the guitar player, who's name escapes me at the moment.  They slowed it down turning it into more of a sultry, almost R and B, song (and lament) of desire and longing.

I never liked 'Roxanne' in its original version by The Police. I found it to be monotonous and kinda boring. But then I heard this rendition of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDJMXSXSmtA  I thought this was such a great version particularly the beginning. Bruno's version reminded me of this at first but he slowed the song down all the way through and that changed the entire vibe.  It's a whole different song done that way.  Just a little lesson to keep an open mind, that a little spin on something can change it from 'meh' to 'wow'.

My favorite song of the whole show was Bruno and Julie's beautiful and haunting version of Peter Gabriel's Don't Give Up.  Sometimes I hear a song performed live and it seems as though the air is shimmering.  I don't even want to take a breath or move in any way because I don't want to disturb the energy.  Gorgeous, gorgeous rendition.  It was an all around terrific concert.  Plus Bruno did me a massive favor and met with me to record a video message to a friend of mine (and a fan of his) as she struggles through a very rough time in her life.

Saturday, I left my hotel in Dorval and drove to St Jerome.  I checked into the hotel and waited for my pal Lynne there.  She arrived about 4 p.m. from Gatineau.  It was so good to see her, even if only for an evening.  We always have a great time together!  She and I had dinner with Line and Mew at St Hubert and then drove over to the theater.  Everything went well up until I sat in my seat.  Someone sitting near me, either right next to me or right in front of me, REEKED of hairspray.  I must confess that I hate the smell of hairspray, it gives me a headache and this person smelled like they had used a whole can of it all at once.  I couldn't get away from it.  Typing this right now, I don't know why I didn't just move, I didn't think of it.  As far as the concert that night, I have to say it was the rockiest performance I've ever seen Bruno give.  I know when I create something, I have an idea in my head of how I want the energy to flow.  This performance was like the energy went sideways on Bruno.  He still sounded good but the performance was off for a lot of the evening.  He maintained his humor about what was happening and the audience still loved it, I loved it because I don't think he's capable of giving a truly bad performance and by the end of the evening, he had regained control of the stage, but it was...different.  I have wondered how much of my perception of the show was colored by the stench of the hairspray, it was really bothering me.

At the end of the night, Bruno came out in the lobby to chat with people and Lynne and I got in line.  I wanted to say good-bye and thank him for the video.  When I got to the table where he was sitting, he looked at me and asked if I was alright.  I said I was fine and we spoke for a moment.  Someone else spoke up while we were chatting and he responded to them then turned back to me.  He asked me again if I was okay, and I assured him I was.  We said good-bye and I left.  It was only later that I realized that, mentally, I was already on my way back to L.A. and so wasn't fully present in the moment.  I wonder if that's why he asked me that.  Or maybe I just looked ill from the hairspray. Lynne and I went back to the hotel and went to bed.  I got up at 5 a.m. to get to the airport, made it in plenty of time and flew home.  I had a great time in Quebec and as always, was glad I went and was equally glad to be home again.

Missing: 1 Mojo

So it's been about a week since I posted.  My mojo took a vacation and left me stranded in a puddle of whinyness.  Hated it so much until I was driving home from work wondering what I was going to do.  I thought about how children get so involved in what they're doing that they don't want to stop or even hear when someone's calling them and I realized that that focus is what had disappeared from my life.  I looked at how everyday things distract us from what we want and decided to figure out what is the most important thing in my life right now.  I knew if I figured that out and focused on that, that everything else would fall into place.  I felt my mojo's attention on me but it wasn't quite ready to return.  Then I came across the infomercial for the workout Insanity and I realized that although I'm not quite ready for that, I can take the premise of that workout and apply it to the workout I have here.  I used the max interval technique doing the 10 Minute Trainer workout. I did three workouts - Total Body; Legs and Abs - using what Shaun T describes in the infomercial.  I was drenched in sweat and breathing hard and felt great.  I watch the infomercial a couple of times a week to stay motivated with my own workout.  I don't feel ready to do Insanity right now and I can tell I'm not because I have come up with a couple of reasons why I can't start it at this point.  So I will continue to watch the infomercial for inspiration and when I'm ready, I will order it.  I don't think it will be very long now, at least I'm hoping that's the case.  My mojo has returned with my focus on getting strong and healthy.  On the food front, I had a most delicious dungeness crab and asparagus omelet with some roasted potatoes plus a truly great bloody mary for brunch.  I rarely drink during the day, usually only a glass of wine with dinner and I really felt it.  So I strolled around The Grove and did a little shopping until the effects of the vodka wore off.  For dinner, I had shrimp in garlic sauce and edamame on the side.  It's a seafood kind of day.  It's off to bed with me now.

Day 15

Today, I am still at 289 lbs and I'm very happy about it.  I got up at 8:30 and 9:00ish, I went out with Ofelia for a dark chocolate latte and a scone.  Came home, wrote the previous post and then went out with Bob to downtown L. A.  We had lunch at the Nickel Diner, I had a cobb salad, fries and a coke.  Bob had chicken salad and cole slaw with a diet coke.  Another thing I've noticed since I started blogging is that I now stop eating when I'm full.  So many places give HUGE portions and I would eat it all, then feel overfull and bloated.  By stopping when I feel full, I enjoy the rest of my day much more.  After lunch, we walked over to to The Last Bookstore and walked around there for a while.  I bought some original sheet music from the 1920s for a song called My Bird of Paradise written by Irving Berlin and introduced by Blossom Seeley at the Winter Garden according to the front cover.  That front cover is why I bought it, the artwork is beautiful and I'm going to frame it.  I arrived home around 5:00 and was still full from lunch, so I had leftover guacamole and chips and two dark chocolate truffles with non-fat milk.  After walking about for over an hour, my feet and legs hurts, so no more exercise today.  Now I'm off to bed.

Day 13 & 14

I need to start posting these earlier instead of at the end of the day when I'm too tired.  So day 13, I had some almonds, coffee and Samoa Girl Scout cookies for breakfast. Definitely not my best breakfast.  As I've been posting, I've been noticing more and more how what I eat affects me.  I can be pretty energetic but if I eat things like cookies or pop-tarts for breakfast, my energy drops almost immediately and I feel lethargic.  Even if I eat it later, I notice my energy drops whereas eating plain Greek yogurt, almonds and berries satisfies me and I do not have a drop in my energy level.  Lunch on Friday, Chance and I went to Baco Mercat in downtown. It took longer than we thought, almost two hours, but it was worth it. This is what I had for lunch: escabeche of drake duck breast - black quinoa, shaved fennel, sherry vinegar; caramelized romanesco - lemon, treviso, white soy for starters. Then I had “the original” - pork, beef carnitas, salbitxada and “the fava fritter” - feta-poblano, chickpea, salmorejo. I had blood orange-vanilla soda to drink and for dessert, caramel upside down cake - pineapple, hazelnut, semifreddo. You totally wish you were me right now.  Chance and I split the starters and the dessert and we each ate half of our sandwiches.  I ate the other half of one sandwich for dinner that night.  I also got some walking in that day, but no other exercise.

Saturday, I got up at 6:30 and I broke 290, I weighed in at 289.6 lbs.  Yay!  I had some almonds and cottage cheese for breakfast with a couple of cups of coffee.  Later in the morning, I walked to the Coffee Bean with Ofelia and had a decaf mocha and a blueberry scone.  I didn't notice as much of a drop in my energy, but I could still feel it.  We then walked over to the hardware store so I could buy some duct tape and walked back home. I did laundry, cleaned up a bit around here and had a little lunch.  I had a little leftover fava fritter from lunch on Friday, so I ate that plus some guacamole I made (avocado, lemon juice, salt, garlic powder and dried onion) with some tortilla chips.  I had 3 Lindt dark chocolate truffles and a glass of non-fat milk.  I felt stuffed.  About 4:00 in the afternoon, Ofelia came over and we worked out to the Bar Method dvd.  Ow.  I didn't eat dinner, just a couple of spoons of cottage cheese and some beef jerky, plus I had two 5 oz glasses of merlot. and yes, I measured it.  The rest of the evening, I read and watched a little TV, then went to bed at 11:30.  I slept until 4:00 when I wok up with a pain in my knee.  I slept wrong on it and it let me know.  I went back to sleep until 8:30, so nine hours of sleep with a 10 minute break in the middle.  I'm feeling pretty rested.

Day 12

I meant to write this last night but I fell asleep on the couch.  So I had plain Greek yogurt and I stirred in some toasted, unsalted almonds plus I took some frozen blueberries and heated them up in the microwave and ate it all together. Fruity crunchy yogurt with no added sugar, tasty and healthy.  Bonus!  I'd brought my lunch but then a co-worker asked if I wanted to go out.  Since I had been sitting inside for 5 hours and it was a beautiful day, I said "Of course I'll go out to lunch with you!"  We went to Joy Feast, a local Chinese restaurant here in Burbank and the best one I've found so far, and I had hot and sour soup, hot garlic shrimp, fried rice, a veggie egg-roll and a Coke to drink.  I've been to this restaurant twice and have enjoyed the food both times, although the egg-roll was a little bland, even with soy sauce.  My afternoon snack was a couple of Lindt extra dark chocolate truffle balls and a glass of non-fat milk.  I had two bags of 'lite' butter popcorn with parmesan cheese for dinner instead of my leftover garlic chicken and green beans.  This is precisely why I can't have things like popcorn; ramen noodles or Dove bars in my house.  I eat them until they're gone and ignore a perfectly delicious healthier dinner.  I also had two glasses of the white wine I bought in Solvang.

I think I've have an exercise/flexibility plan hammered out.  It may have to be tweaked a little but I'm happy with it.  One of my biggest problems is that I sit in front of a computer all day, so as part of my plan, I get up every hour or so and take a quick turn around the office.  It only takes a minute and it keeps my body from being so stiff and painful at the end of the day.  I also walk out to my car and back a couple of times a day.  It doesn't sound like much and I'm not doing it for the cardio/weight loss benefits.  It's for the flexibility.  It keeps my shoulders, neck, back and hips from tightening up.  When the office was in Beverly Hills over 10 years ago, I walked to and from work every day.  For the last 10+ years, I've had to drive to an office 11 miles from my house so any movement I can get during the day is a plus.  I've also started working out as soon as I get home from work.  It keeps me from plopping in front of the TV as soon as I get home and gives me energy to do daily chores in my house.  I'm pleased so far.  Oh, and I was somewhere between 292 & 293 yesterday, I can't remember the exact weight.

Days 9, 10 and 11

Road trip!  I was out of town for a couple of days and didn't post.  Ofelia and I drove up to Solvang and had a great weekend.  We walked and we ate and we drank wine and the weather was perfect and it was all very relaxing and beautiful.  I don't remember what I ate on Saturday but on Sunday, I had some cottage cheese and mixed nuts for breakfast, a cup of vegetable soup; a half of a chicken salad sandwich, a few onion rings and a club soda for lunch.  We walked a bunch and then went wine-tasting.  The wine was fantastic and we enjoyed that too!  At dinner, we went to Root 246 and everything was SO good.  We shared the cheese plate and the potato puffs.  Ofelia had toast with olive tapenade and I had gnocchi carbonara.  She had a glass of reisling and I had a glass of grenache and we shared the dark chocolate cake.  We were stuffed.  We then walked back to the hotel and proceeded to relax for the rest of the weekend.  Sunday, we had sweet rolls and coffee and we had sandwiches with potato salad for lunch.  We bought some wine and I bought two different kinds of the most decadent dark chocolate ganache filled cookies (one of each kind) to bring home.  I ate one when I got home with a cup of coffee and it's a good thing I didn't eat one before I left Solvang, I would have bought all they had.

So I was pretty tired when I got home.  For dinner, I made lemon garlic chicken breasts and green beans for dinner.  This morning, I weighed 292 lbs.  So even though I ate a lot, all the walking had a beneficial effect.  I had plain greek yogurt with almonds and berries for breakfast.  I had two cups of coffee as well.  Lunch was leftover chicken and green beans with water to drink.  I ate the other cookie for dessert,  I had some lite popcorn for an afternoon snack plus two Lindt dark chocolate truffles with a glass of non-fat milk.  I'm making chicken and green beans again tonight with a glass of white wine.  I'm still eating too much sugar but I feel pretty good about my overall food choices.  Now that my meal plan is in place, I need to make an exercise plan that I can do and stick with.  I'd rather be sore from working out than in pain from obesity and a sedentary life.

Day 8

Got this morning and I had gone back up to 294.4.  Annoying but just more impetus to eat properly which I then proceeded not to do.  I kinda feel like I got nothing done but actually I accomplished quite a bit, the most important to me being the food plan. I now have a solid plan to eat this week and just need to get a couple of things from the store to make it work.  In other news, Bob and I went to Gallerie Michael in Beverly Hills for an exhibition of Davyd Whaley's work. Davyd is a tremendously talented artist and it was great to see him have his own show. He sold several pieces. So great! After the show, we went to The Grove and dinner at Ulysses Voyage. I had chicken souvlaki, grilled artichoke and pita with hummus, sweet pepper and kalamata olive & sweet fig dips. We both drank club soda at the restaurant after drinking champagne at the Gallerie. Now I have to get ready to go out of town tomorrow. Ofelia and I are going to the Wine Valley Inn in Solvang go a night away from the big city.

Day 7

Okay, obviously I didn't post last night. I completely spaced out. I was pretty tired, I've been working on a project that while it isn't difficult, there's a lot of detail to pay attention to and the whole thing is a bit tedious. But I do feel like I'm getting a necessary thing done so that's a plus. Speaking of plus, I went down a lb and was at 293 yesterday morning.  I had just some mixed nuts in the morning plus coffee. Lunch was with one of our vendors and there was bread, antipasti (I had mixed vegetables) and pizza with club soda to drink. When I came home I had 3 Lindt dark chocolate truffles and a glass of non-milk then I ate leftover pizza for dinner with a glass of milk. I had a cup of hot chocolate later. I didn't do an exercise routine but I put on some funk and danced for about 30 minutes. I really need to figure out a meal plan.

Day 6

Today, I had no time, I was so busy. I ate a few almonds for breakfast, plain Greek yogurt & berries for lunch & three Samoa cookies for a snack. I came home & had some lentil soup with two corn muffins and a glass of nonfat milk plus a couple of chocolates for dessert.  No time to work out at all today which disappoints me greatly but tomorrow will be better. I weighed 294.4 lbs this morning. The best thing this blog is doing for me is making me realize how much sugar I eat. It's really focusing me in on what I eat.  One of the things I am going to do this weekend is create an eating plan for the week. Less winging it, more structure. Now I'm going to bed.

Day 5

292.6 lbs. coffee, half & half , granola bars, Chinese food for lunch, lentil soup & corn muffins for dinner. Did bar method work out. Will do a longer entry tomorrow. Going to bed now.

Day 4

This is going to be very short post because I have to go to bed.  I ate yogurt, almonds and almonds for breakfast.  I drank 2 cups of coffee with 1/2 & 1/2.  Snacks were a piece of beef jerky and 3 small cookies with a cup of hot chocolate.  Lunch was a can of Progresso chicken and wild rice soup, drinking water.  I made lentil soup with onions, garlic, carrots and celery.  I also made green chile, sharp cheddar cheese corn muffins.  I had a bowl of the soup with parmesan and 3 muffins with butter plus a glass of non-fat milk.  I also did a 10 minute trainer work-out.  I felt rushed all day and didn't feel like I accomplished a lot. Now I'm going to bed.

Day 3. I think.

Okay, so today, I did laundry, read a book, talked about the hunky guys on HGTV, cleared the sweets out of my house, did my laundry, booked my hotels for my trip to Quebec, worked out and watched Antiques Roadshow with Bob.  Bob also joined the 21st century and got an iphone today, so I had fun showing him how you can record your texts instead of typing them and I introduced him to Siri.  He promptly asked her if she was a lesbian and she told him it was none of his business.  LOLOLOL!

The voice memo app on the iphone is great, I don't have to remember or write down what I ate.  Using tracking programs like Weight Watchers or MyFitnessPal doesn't work for me because I forget to update them and I find it to be a pain in the ass. I just take a memo, then listen to them and write my post.  Awesome!!  So today, I weighed in at 293.2 lbs, up a half a pound from yesterday. I had two cups of coffee with 1/2 & 1/2, one packet (2 small bars) of oat & honey granola bars, plus I still had a squidgy gut this morning, but that passed pretty quickly.

I also set up a plan to work out with my friend Ofelia, although she couldn't do it today.  So I worked out by myself.  More on that later.  I didn't really eat a meal today, I kinda grazed.  I had several pieces of beef jerky over the course of the day and evening.  I also ate some mixed nuts, mostly almonds and cashews.  A portion of nuts according to the bag is 20 nuts.  I don't think I ate quite that many but that's what I'm saying I ate.  I ran out of coffee today so later in the afternoon, I had a cup of instant hot chocolate with a few mini marshmallows.

Boy, these voice memos really do come in handy.  I did have a meal, sort of.  At about 3:00 this afternoon, I had 3 pieces of leftover pepperoni & black olive pizza, plus 2 12 oz glasses of sparkling water.  Later I had some of the beef jerky I mentioned plus a couple of spoons of cottage cheese.  I also had a couple of glasses of red wine while watching TV. Before I move on, I forgot to post yesterday that I had 1/2 cup of caramel corn and some beef jerky

Now about that exercise.  I decided earlier today that I was going to work out tonight and then proceeded to avoid doing that all day.  About 6:00 p.m. I decided to do it.  And what motivated me to actually exercise was I couldn't stand the thought of posting on here that I hadn't worked out and whining about how I don't feel good.  I actually feel okay, my gut isn't bothering me anymore today and since I ate relatively little sugar, I don't feel lethargic and bloated.  So I put on my Bar Method Dancer's Body dvd, which is an hour long workout and a tough one.  I have to admit that I'm not quite up to the full hour but I did the calves and thighs; the seat work and the abs.  Which is probably a good 25 minutes.  I'm going to check that running time.  Some of the ab work was difficult for me because I have a huge gut, but I was able to do about 15 crunches, 15 obliques on the right and 15 obliques on the left.  That right there is more ab work than I've done in I don't know how long.  It seems my plan of owning up on a blog, which is a public forum even if no-one is reading this except me, is motivating me to think about what I eat and what I do.  I feel like there should be a fanfare.  Tah-dah!

Okay, I am going back to work tomorrow after having four days off, I have to get up at 5:45 a.m. to be at work by 7:00 a.m. and I still have to make my bed. 

This is what I'm talking about

Here's an image of all of treats that I am taking to work to get out of my house.  I thought it was just the cookies but then I found all the rest.  Jeeze, it's no wonder I don't eat right and I'm fat.  It's gotta go.

Day 2

It's 11:30 at night on day 2 of my plan.  I just finished watching the season finale of Downton Abbey with a couple if friends.  We have a Downton Abbey viewing party every Sunday night.  It's a lot of fun. 

So today, I was still feeling the after effects of whatever attacked my intestinal track yesterday.  I felt better but still not great.  I started off by weighing in at 292.6, which is a pound lost from yesterday.  Since I put my measurements yesterday and I'm putting my weight every day, I should add that I'm 5'8" tall.  I started the day with a couple of forkfuls of cottage cheese (the fork in question is the smaller salad or dessert fork, not a dinner fork) and a glass of water.  I did the dishes and organized a project I'm working on, then had 2 cups of coffee with half and half and a packet (2 small bars) of Nature Valley Oat & Honey granola bars. 

After my shower, I had brunch: 2 egg cheese omelet, 4 small strips of bacon, 5 artichokes hearts (in brine) and a small tangerine with a glass of non-fat milk and 2 extra dark chocolate Lindt truffles. I then finished the book I was reading, Michael Connelly's The Black Box and worked on my project a little.  After a few other small chores, I had dinner at 5:30, several slices of pepperoni and black olive pizza with club soda to drink.  I had 5 Girl Scout Samoa cookies with another glass of milk.  Finally, I had a couple of 5 oz. glasses of red wine to sip while watching 60 Minutes and then Downton Abbey.  I'm seeing a pattern here of eating more than I should, especially of sweets, because truth be told, I was kind of bored today.  I hate being sick and having low energy, it just makes the day drag by.

I also took a probiotic and some vitamins: B12, C and D3 plus a flax seed oil pill.  God, this is a dull post. 

Day 1

So I'm posting this @ 11 p.m. of the same day of the previous post.  Here's how the day went.  I weighed in at 293.5 lbs this morning and my measurements are 53.5" bust; 48.5" waist; 58" hips.  I ate some cottage cheese; 4 strips of bacon; 2 egg omelet with cheese; sliced tomato; 2 cups of coffee with 1/2 & 1/2; 3 glasses of non-fat milk; 3 Whitman chocolates; a tangerine; sticky bun with butter; gluten-free pasta; mixed nuts; caramel corn & finally, some dark chocolate rice chips that Bob gave em for Valentine's Day.  This day did not turn out as I planned at all.  I felt great this morning but slowly, I started feeling not right.  My neck and upper back started hurting and when that stopped, my lower back REALLY hurt.  Then the problem with my intestines started.  They were doing what they're supposed to do which is get rid of something toxic but man, it just sapped my motivation.  I ate a bunch of sweets, which made me realize I need to get rid of all of it.  I thought I could have it in the house if it was in the back of the cupboard, not in plain sight but today proves that isn't the case.  I did get a few chores done but no exercise.  One of the notes I made to myself was the reason I want to do this is because my body freaking hurts all the time.  I get sore when I do work out but it's a different kind of pain from the hurt of obesity and non-activity.  The note was actually a voice memo I recorded on my phone and I'm leaving it on there to remind myself why I'm doing this.  But for right now, I'm going to bed.

I think I need a plan

I want to say that I've been struggling with my weight for years, but really, it hasn't been a struggle because I haven't attempted to do anything about it.  Not in a credible attempt that I haven't abandoned within a few days or weeks.  It's not that it's hard to eat good healthy delicious food.  It's that I eat a lot out of boredom.  I notice that when I am focused on a project, it's very simple for me to eat something that's good for me and that tastes good and doesn't make me feel lethargic and bloated.  Even cleaning my house or doing chores, as long as I'm actively engaged.  It's when I'm doing repetitive or sedentary things, or both, that I eat.  Not because I'm hungry but because my brain is bored. 

So here's my plan.  I'm going to post every day.  I'm going to give my weight, what I've eaten and why, any exercise I've done, and once a week, I will post my measurements.  I'm not doing this so that anyone will read this, although it is a blog, but more to keep myself honest.  I may include photos or videos.  And if I post a message on someone else's blog, I will include a link to this.  No more hiding.

Oh, hello.

Today, I crawled back on the Weight Watchers wagon after falling off for about a week.  I learned something during that time: that I have learned enough about food portions and the type of food I'm eating that I can no longer eat unconsciously.  I may and have still eaten it but I am aware of what I'm feeding myself and I can't tell myself that it's doing no harm.  While I may no longer be able to eat unconsciously, I still do eat out of boredom but even that's getting better.  I am noticing that I'm eating when I'm not hungry.  Now I need to stop doing that.  Pounds wise, I didn't do too much damage just gained back a couple of pounds; health wise, it wasn't good, no doubt about that.  Losing weight isn't just about how much I eat because on the points system, I could use all my points eating chocolate all day.  It's also about relearning to eat healthier food.

Boredom is my bête noire.  I just typed that into Google translate thinking it meant dark night.  Their translation is black beast and boredom really is a black beast for me because I don't or haven't used it as a catalyst to do something about it.  The average lifespan is about 25,000 days, which means if I live an average lifespan, I have about 10,000 days left, more or less.  I don't have a whole lotta time to waste anymore.  Dr. Christmas and I spend some of our evenings together watching TV (The Voice, Vampire Diaries) and we do watch series on dvd that we don't see because neither of us have HBO or Showtime.  But I find myself wanting the dvds to be over, that's it's a chore instead of a pleasure, and the Dr. is feeling it as well.  Summer is almost here and I would rather be out and about, or learning French again on my Rosetta Stone, or reading a good book, or practicing singing (it's not good but I enjoy it) or just about anything else than sitting in front of the TV.  I have to remember this feeling when I plop on the couch and flip on the tube and zone out in front of it.  If I'm not enjoying it, why am I doing it?

All of this stuff is just learned behavior and if I learned to do that, I can learn to do something more.  Something better.  Something that makes me feel like I am accomplishing something, that I am learning something.  I believe there are lessons all around us every day and by stopping for a moment and noticing what's going on, I can learn something and use it to become a better person.  Yesterday when I got home from work, I was feeling irritated and agitated.  I wasn't sure what set me off but I knew that something was going on.  Ben and I were going for our walk when I got home but I didn't want to go feeling this way.  So I sat down to take five minutes to breathe and figure out why I was feeling the way I was. I didn't want to go for a walk and lash out at Ben because it wasn't about him.   I also didn't want to sit down and melt into the couch and whine about not wanting to go, so when I sat down I set my intention that I was using this time to take a breath so that I could go out and enjoy my walk. What I found was a mixture of things.

A lesson from yesterday at lunch.  I went to a farewell luncheon for a longtime friend and colleague from work who has been let go.  There were probably 30 people there and I happened to be sitting near a couple of other longtime friends and colleagues.  These folks have, for the last 10 years, worked in another building so I don't see them every day, usually just at things like this luncheon.  One of them I remembered as being a cool guy, funny, kind of a wise ass, but someone who's company I really enjoyed.  Now, I don't know what's going on with him, but from the few things he said it sounds as if his life is going along okay.  He just seemed really bitter and sour, not like the guy I remember working with.  He wasn't what made me irritated but I thought about him when I sat down to breathe and used him as a lesson.  Whatever set me off, I really needed to let it go rather than drag it along through the rest of my day.  I don't want to be sour or bitter.  I don't want to live the rest of my day through one moment that might have annoyed me.  I don't want to give that thing or person that much power to affect me like that.  

The other thing is about change.  Something I believe about change on an energy and/or spiritual level is that it is instantaneous because there is no time or space on that level. On a physical level, change takes time.  And the way the physical body communicates to the spiritual body is through emotion.  My physical body was agitated. So I sat and breathed.  And I learned that my physical body is enthusiastic about feeling better but was stressed about feeling like IT HAS TO BE DONE NOW!  After several minutes of breathing and being entertained by the things I do to myself, I felt relaxed and went out for my walk in a great space.

So there are some of the things I've been doing while I haven't been here.  John Lennon said "Life is what happens to you while you're  busy making other plans."  So, so true.