Amazing...

I had lunch today with a couple of the women who work for one of our vendors plus a couple of co-workers.  It was very pleasant and one of the women I had never met before, she's on weight watchers too!  Been on it for a while and she has a lot of the points for things memorized.  A cup of rice - 6 points!  An apple - 0 points! A martini - 7 points!  It was pretty funny.  So a good time was had by all and after we left, as I was driving back to work, I had the most amazing experience.

It's about 6 miles door to door, maybe a little more and as I was driving down San Fernando Road between Burbank and Glendale, I noticed the quiet.  The whole way back, I didn't hear a car horn, a siren, loud music, shrieking brakes, loud engines, machinery, construction, helicopters, loud voices.  Nothing.  The only thing I heard was the swoosh of the traffic as cars passed each other and a train whistle off in the distance.  It's a bright sunny warm day here and I had all my windows down and all I heard was quiet.  It may not be quiet to someone who lives in the country but for a place like L. A., it was amazing.

Zoooooomba!

So last night I went to my very first Zumba class.  I've been thinking for of trying this for awhile now but classes at my local 24 Hour were at odd times that I couldn't go to and private classes cost too much for me to pay for on a consistent basis.  Then, a couple of months ago, the ever lovely Ofelia told me that 24 Hour now had classes on the schedule at times we could both attend.  For various reasons, including sloth, I didn't get my ass in gear to get to a class until last night.  Dude.  I had SO MUCH FUN!  It really is a blast.  Now because it was my first class the teacher didn't show up but there was a young man in the class who just been hired at 24 Hour and he was able to take over.  He did a very good job and he mixed in some Bollywood style dance, his specialty.  I was able to follow along pretty well and managed to stay for the whole class, which is a lot considering I haven't done this type of class in YEARS.  I do not think I would have been able to do the whole class if I hadn't been walking almost every night for the last month.  It also helped that I met a woman named Robin who used to teach Zumba in Australia where she's from.  She was right in front of me so I had a great example to follow.  I'm going back on Wednesday.

Today, I'm going to use all my Weight Watchers points on the Cheesy Mac and Rib with BBQ pork and grilled onions sandwich from here.  I don't really know how many points the sandwich is but I am posting a high point count in my tracker just to be safe.  It's a good thing that plain fruit and veggies are 0 points because that's about what I will be eating for the rest of today.


One small thing I've noticed since I have been blogging more regularly.  When I finish a post, I preview it.  I'd say about 95% of the time, the only changes I make are spelling errors; places where I may have left out a word or if a sentence I wrote doesn't make sense.  Otherwise, it's pretty much as I originally wrote it.  But the small thing I referred to is how comma happy I am.  That's really the biggest change I make to my blog after the preview is taking out all the damn commas.  Heh.  Really, you wouldn't believe how many commas I just deleted from this post.

I did it

Last Thursday, I joined Weight Watchers.  My lovely doctor has mentioned it to me a couple of times and although, because I'm not stupid I know what healthy food is, I found it difficult to maintain a healthy diet on my own.  I think a lot of it has to do that I tend to eat the same things over and over when I'm trying to eat healthier and then I get bored and I don't just fall off the wagon, I leap with great abandon!  I needed more structure and I also like that they have a database of recipes.  I even had the wild idea that I might start using some of my recipe/cooking books and since I can enter the ingredients into the database, I will know exactly how many points a single serving of what I've prepared has in it.

I was at work when I thought about joining and I im'd Young Chance and asked him what he thought.  His response?  Do. It. Now.  He and I have had conversations about my ongoing attempts to eat healthy and he has seen me try again and again.  He agreed with me that the structure of the program will be most helpful to me.  He came in my office and watched over my shoulder as I signed up, as he was curious about how the online version worked.  Not that he needs to diet.  He's a slender reed (I can hear him now "What did you call me?") but the truth is, he takes care of himself.

I choose Sunday as my weekly weigh in and the good news is, I've lost 3 lbs already.  I can hear the chorus now (sing it with me if you know the words and I know you do) "it's just water weight".  I truly do not care, it's 3 lbs. of less bloat on me and since I have been walking every day for at least 45 minutes and more often than not for an hour, either with Mr. Ben or by myself for almost a month now, I am going to say that perhaps, just perhaps, it may be a little more than water weight.  And now that I've said that, please do not talk to me any more about water weight.  I'm sick of hearing it.  I think we all downplay our accomplishments, however large or small, by ascribing them to something else and I won't have it!  I am going to own every ounce that falls away as something I did for myself.

Speaking of doing things for myself, I have finally (FINALLY!) gotten a handle on the clutterfat in my house.  I am still working on it but my space feels lighter and airier than it did yesterday at this time, it no longer looks as though someone threw a hand grenade in here and shut the door and it makes me happy to see and feel it.  Another thing I am owning as an accomplishment.

Last night, Ofelia came over and she said "Have you seen George Clooney on Inside the Actors Studio?  I am in love with him!"  I have seen him and confessed my love for The Cloon and then we watched Attack the Block, a fun little British movie about a gang of street kids who fight off an alien invasion on their block.  Very entertaining, the kids were so great!  A recommended movie, although the South London accent can be difficult to understand at times.

So today I do a little more decluttering and also do some laundry and then this afternoon, I will go on my walk with Mr. Ben.  It's a beautiful day.

More places I like to go and eat

While I'm waiting for the repairman to come fix my washer, I thought I list a few more places I like to eat.

Zono Sushi
Chance and I went to lunch here yesterday and we had an appetizer called Dynamite, which is baked scallops, mushrooms and zucchini in a special sauce, not to be confused with Dynamite roll.  We had hamachi, salmon, Hawaiian something, I can't remember the name, and one other, plus a second order of hamachi.  It was all very delicious.

The food truck permanently parked at Topanga Carniceria 1206 Cypress Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90065
I have only been here once, again with Chance, but I will make it a point to go again this week.  Very tasty Mexican food.

Urth Caffe
Urth Caffe is my neighborhood has really delicious coffee and the best tuna salad sandwich I've ever had.  I don't get there very often, which considering it's walking distance from my house, I should rectify.  Once, when I was talking with Bruno after a concert, we were talking about L.A. and he mentioned Urth Caffe.  I was amazed that he knew of a caffe in my neighborhood and said so.  He said "I love that place!"  Good to know, Bruno!

Bossa Nova
Bossa Nova is Brazilian food and is a nice place for a casual lunch or dinner.  I love their coxinha appetizer and the traditional chicken breast with rice, beans and plantains.  I go here occasionally with Bob and he likes their Cajun blackened chicken.

In N Out
In N Out has the best fast food burgers.  I love the cheeseburger, animal style with fries and a chocolate shake.   The food is cooked fresh to order and is good every single time.

Tomato Pie Pizza
Hands down, the best pizza I've had in L.A.  The dough, the sauce, the cheese, the toppings, all first rate.  So, so good.

The Palace
Really delicious Chinese food.  I've been here a few times and the food is consistently good.  I wish it were in my neighborhood!

Well, I suppose I should go do something else in my house while I wait.  All this talk about food has made me hungry!  Maybe I'll have a snack then do something else.  Ha!

Places I like to go and eat

There are many places that I like to go to and eat their food.  Here are some of them:

Kitchen 24
This is a new restaurant in West Hollywood.  They just opened and they are still working out some kinks.  The service was a little slow, but the waiter was nice and we weren't in a hurry.  I had spicy tomato soup and a grilled Gruyere sandwich, called the After School Special.  It was very tasty.  Bob had the same soup and a small salad.  We both liked it and would definitely go back to try other things on the menu.  That being said, I don't think I would go here if I was in a hurry.  Soon to be open 24 hours.

Nickel Diner
OMG, this place!  I love this place.  Yes, it's in a sketchy part of town (Skid Row-ish) and you do have to wait for a table, but you can walk around a bit and look at some of the amazing architecture of downtown Los Angeles while you're waiting.  I love their Big Time Cheddar sandwich, so delicious.  They make their own donuts, pop-tarts and ding-dongs. Don't even think about sticking to your diet at this place.

Sushi Gen
One of the best sushi places I've been to.  They have an awesome lunch special. Chance and I have been here a couple of times.  They open @ 11:15 and we usually get there about 10:55 and there's usually about 20 people ahead of us.  The very first time we went there was on my birthday and instead of the lunch special we sat at the sushi bar and ordered a la carte!  The place smells like the ocean in the middle of downtown. Definitely a favorite.

El Compadre
I've been coming to El Compadre since I moved to LA.  The food is good, the margaritas are really good and the atmosphere just makes it.  Truly a family restaurant, dark and cozy with upholstered tuck and roll booths and mariachi music.  I love the chile relleno combination special.

Umami Burger
I love Umami Burger.  Chance introduced me to this place and the first two times I went there, I had the original Umami Burger.  Then I tried the Truffle Burger, I practically passed out it was so good.  Always, always thin fries and Mexican Coke to go with.

Ulysses Voyage
Our go-to Greek place.  Peter, the owner, is a lovely man and the menu is based on his family's recipes.  I've never had a bad meal here.  Hummus; sweet red pepper; kalamata olive & fig are my 3 favorite dips served with warm pita bread.  Love the chicken skewer; also the dolmades and the baked artichokes.  The lemon chicken soup is great as is the greek pasta and the calamari.  For dessert, there's a variety of things but I like the chocolate walnut cake.  Yum!

Paris

Day 13

Today is day 13 of the '21 day walkathon to create a new habit'.  I have walked every day, most of the time with Ben, but he and I have had a couple of days where we did our walks separately, for various and sundry reasons.  We tend to run little errands around the neighborhood, library, groceries, etc., on our walks but we are moving towards walking for walking's sake.  Not to say we can't run errands while walking but I think we would both like to balance it out that we are just walking at least a few times per week and walking with errands the other days.

We are more than half-way through this little experiment so I guess I could say that the habit is still being created but to be honest, it doesn't feel like it's an established routine yet.  It still feels like something I'm doing for 21 days to see what happens.  Either way, whether I am walking or not, 21 days will have passed.  May as well do something with those days.  I was reading a post on this site http://reinventingfabulous.com/ about breaking the chain, referring to this: http://lifehacker.com/281626/jerry-seinfelds-productivity-secret.  I started doing this in my little pocket calendar for walking and I have 12 X's.  Today, in addition to walking, I added a short exercise routine to my calendar and the only way I get to 'X' today's date is if I do both.  I'd hate to have a blank unX'ed spot on my calendar.  It's quite the little visual when you see all those Xs in a row.

What else?  I finally got my new media credenza, moved the TV on to the top of it, hooked up all the components and made sure everything was working properly.  I was so jazzed that I have things in a proper place now, that I tackled a few other things in my house.  I had a stunning amount of shredding to do, I knew there was a bit, but I didn't expect that it would take me more than an hour to do it all.  Going forward, random crap gets shredded immediately, receipts need to be done as soon as I don't need them anymore.  I know as I go through my files, there will be a bunch of stuff to recycle and a bunch to shred.  I'm glad I got all this miscellaneous paperwork that I had just stuffed in a bag done before I tackle the files.

Still not watching much TV, although I did turn it on for a while yesterday @ work.  I geeked out and watched a program about the Mars rovers and was entertained by that, but then I found myself trolling through channels trying to find something.  I should have turned the damn thing off but I didn't.  I did notice that I was more agitated on the drive home than I've been for the last week, don't know if that was just coincidence.  Last night, I went to dinner with Chuck and Bob at Ulysses Voyage at The Grove.  We shared an appetizer, a 3 dip combo, hummus, kalamata olive & sweet fig and sweet red pepper dips with warm pita bread.  Bob had lemon chicken soup, I had chicken souvlaki and Chuck had lamb souvlaki.  Tasty delicious, all of it!  We then strolled around The Grove and went into Crate and Barrel so I could visit my furniture that I'm going to buy.  From there, we went home.  I sorta semi-watched TV from 9 - 10, then Face Off came on and I watched that.  I'm not big on competition shows but I like this one.  I'm also enjoying the 2nd season more than the 1st, not so much interpersonal drama, it's more about the work.

I'm off to take bottles to the recycling center, then have lunch.  Just another day of thrills and chills.

Owned up.

So I saw my lovely doctor on Friday, told her everything.  We talked a bit and she said that she was there to help me get healthy, that I was basically okay with some elevated levels but with a few tweaks to my food and exercise, it was all manageable.  Then my lovely phlebotomist came in and drained me of blood.  Not really, but I have incredible disappearing veins, so even though she is used to me it always takes at least two tries and we don't even bother with my arms, she goes directly for the back of my left hand.

My lovely doctor called me this morning and told me that my blood sugar was back to normal, so the really minor tweaks to my diet and the 30 - 60 minute walks every day have made a difference.  Now to tackle the cholesterol, which is also higher than it should be but not sky-high.  A few more tweaks, a little more exercise and that should come down as well.  All of this has happened in a very short period of time, 6 - 8 weeks.  It's made me realize that while it is a lifestyle change, the changes do happen rapidly once I got on the bandwagon. And it isn't an all or nothing thing.  I don't have to cut out chocolate, I can just eat a square or two instead of the whole bar.  I can still have wine, but a half a glass, not a glass and a half.  And although I just said it's not an all or nothing thing, I do know that there are foods that I need to keep out of the house for right now (microwave popcorn, I'm lookin' at you) because I have not an ounce of control over myself when it's around.  It's my version of crack and I make complete fool of myself, then feel like crap.

I am currently on day 10 of my '21 day to create a new habit' walkathon with Ben.  I go out everyday, even if I have to drag my ass, pissing and moaning the whole way.  Once I'm out, it's good.  And I didn't watch TV last week, so last night I watched several shows on On Demand and thoroughly enjoyed it.  It's basically commercial free and I only watched what I wanted to see, I didn't spend the hours and hours on my ass mindlessly watching whatever I could find.  I'm going to continue this little experiment this week as well, it's made a huge difference.

I also did Rodney Yee’s A. M. yoga for beginners for the 1st time this morning. Yowza! What’s not to like? Can we talk about Mr. Yee here for a second? Woo-hoo, eye candy! The whole routine, 20 minutes, is on a beach in Hawaii , more eye candy. And it’s not a work-out but a gentle stretching to start my day.

Like James Brown once said "I feel good!"

Owning up

It's a beautiful day outside, there's snow on the San Gabriel mountains from the rain and cold weather the other day.  Today is day 4 of no TV, I dvr'd Vampire Diaries to watch by next week, and it is day 7 of of my 21 day new habit making walkathon with Ben.  Last time I was at my lovely doctor's office, she wanted me to lose 6 pounds by today's appointment, a pound a week.  Did I do it?  Hell, no!  I spent most of the last 6 weeks in a funk but it wasn't until I owned up to the very fact that I was depressed that I started to shake it off.  That was about 2 weeks ago, more or less, probably less.  I once heard it said that anger turned inwards is depression.  For me it's the opposite, depression turned inwards is rage and that's where I was, just seething for weeks after  I returned from Paris.  I kept thinking it was, as a friend put it, that Paris "grabbed my soul and gave it a shake" and that was certainly part of it.  But the other part, the part I wasn't acknowledging, was the health issues that came up just before I left on my vacation.  Intellectually, I knew what was going; emotionally, I hadn't dealt with it.  I finally, FINALLY, owned up to how badly all this information rattled me.  When I admitted to myself that it scared me, really scared me and just sat there and owned the fact that it scared me, that's when I felt the shift.  That dreadful cold empty place receded a little bit.  The walking has helped immensely as well.  Ben and I were walking often but not every day.  I was still in that depressed place when I proposed the 21 day walkabout to Ben and I know the regular exercise has helped me emotionally.  The biggest change to my mood has been turning off the TV.  It wasn't just the horrible stuff I was watching but I truly believe that just the constant exposure to that electronic hiss has a deleterious effect on the human body.  

So today, I will tell my doctor that I didn't lose the weight, I will tell her what's been going on with me and how things have started to turn around.  That I have hopped back on the healthy diet routine, which admittedly needs some fine-tuning, that I am walking every day and plan to continue to do so.   That I will incorporate some other exercise, yoga or zumba or one of my exercise dvds or a combination of all of those things, into my life and keep walking every day.  I try always to tell the truth, that way I don't have to remember what I said, but even if I were in the habit of fudging the truth, the one person I never lie to, or would lie to, is my doctor.  What would be the point?

No TV

This is the start of my 3rd day of no TV.  I am amazed at how much better I feel.  It's really quite remarkable how badly the constant electronic drone was affecting my outlook.  Last night, I went to bed by 10:00 and slept really well.  I woke up this morning feeling rested for the first time in a very long time.  My dreams were not that jagged, angsty stuff that I've been experiencing for the last few months.  I can't even recall what I dreamt about, so if it was bad, I was sleeping soundly enough that it didn't disturb me.  My next move is to cut back on the hours and hours I spend mindlessly surfing the internets.

PS.  In order to be completely truthful, the only show I really love, The Vampire Diaries, is on tonight.  I haven't decided if I'm going to break my no TV rule for it or not.

Spsplishwglfrmp!

I have a faceful of novacaine and talking is a treat. Right now, I'm sipping hot cocoa through one of those hollow coffee stir sticks because it's the only way I can drink and not dribble it down the front of me and because it's freakin' cold outside! This is LA, baby, it ain't supposed to be cold like this.

In other news, I walked to the dentist and went for a stroll on the way back. Ben did not join me, he's been fighting a cold for a few days and with the rain and cold today, he's not feeling very good. Hopefully, he'll be back tomorrow, feeling better. But I did get a walk. Since I won't be able to eat for awhile, I think I'll break out one of my exercise dvds and bust a move. Or bust something. Gonna read a little tonight and as the spirit moves me, maybe do some shit around the house. I want things to be nice and the only way I can do that is to make it nice myself. The only thing numb around here is my face, so I can certainly get a wiggle on 'cause the last time I looked, my ass wasn't immobile.

21 Days

My friend Ben and I have started a 21 day thingy. This is based on the notion that it takes 21 days of doing something consistently to create a new habit. So we've been walking every night when I get home from work. We were walking before we started our 21 days but it was a bit more haphazardly, as in not every day. Last Thursday, when we went for our walk, I proposed the 21 day create a new habit idea to Ben and he agreed. Then we both promptly got sick and didn't walk on Friday, so we started the official 21 days on Saturday which makes today the 5th day. Ben has meetings this afternoon and I have a dentist appointment, but we agreed to meet after that. We will be walking a little later than normal and I will have a face full of Novocain, but still, we walk. We do at least 30 minutes, sometimes 45. Heck, we've been known to walk for an hour. And even though I am currently in a plateau as far as weight goes, I know that walking will help me lose. The week in Paris, I ate and drank my head off, but because we walked everywhere, I was 4 lbs lighter when I returned. Imagine, 4 lbs lighter after a week in Paris at Christmastime! Walking works. And as far as my plateau goes, I know I need to tweak my food a little more (the Cheezits, jay-zus!) and add a consistent exercise routine in addition to the walking and it will have 2 effects: 1) it will bust through the plateau and 2) my overall health will be better. Glucose, blood pressure and cholesterol will all be at healthy levels.

As for my other experiment, I am now on day 2 of not watching TV. I didn't turn it on at all yesterday, either at work or at home and today, I haven't flipped it on at work nor do I have any desire to do so. A few times last night, I found myself unconsciously heading for the remote but I stopped myself. I made and ate a leisurely dinner (lemon garlic chicken breast, brussel sprouts in butter and rice with a glass of Murphy-Goode merlot), I read, I emailed a friend. The most important thing was when I felt like going to bed, I went to bed without having to feel like I needed to stay up to finish the show I was watching and AND I was relaxed, both physically and mentally. The mental difference between last night (no TV) and the night before (blood n guts TV) was truly eye-opening. I'm enjoying this.

Oh, crap.

Oh, the crap that is in my head. I have been writing in a journal, sort of a morning pages style of thing, although I do it at any time of day the mood strikes. I find that it helps immensely to calm the tornado of "I want to do this" and "I have to do that" clutter that fills my brain at any given moment. Writing about it made me realize that I already know what I want and/or need to do and I don't have to keep a to-do list in my head. The constant sort of 'list making' in my head makes me tired before I even start, so by writing in a journal about the chatter (NOT writing another to-do list) is like fine-tuning a signal and getting rid of the static. It makes getting through the day easier because I can do one thing at a time and move from one thing to another much more easily, with more effortless energy and with much less resistance.

Another thing I am going to try for this week is to not watch TV. I have a TV on my desk @ work and I turn it on as soon as I come in each morning. There's nothing really that I want or like to watch on daytime TV so I end up watching reruns of shows I've already seen. Plus, I believe that having a TV on all day sets up having a TV on all night. I didn't even own a TV for ten years, now I flip it on as soon as I walk in the door. And it has become clearer and clearer to me that at the end of a show, I often think "Why did I watch that? It was pretty boring." And yet, I keep watching. And the programs I watch! Jay-zus! True crime and blood n guts. And shows like Criminal Minds and L&O: SVU, holy socks! The subjects that they use for entertainment on these shows are appalling. I stopped watching SVU years ago because I thought it was heinous that they used sexual assault for entertainment. I never watched Criminal Minds until recently and wow, it's gruesome. It's too bad that the crimes they show are so vile, because I do like the characters. For the most part.

Anyway, part of the reason I'm trying this is that I've been in a funky space since coming back from Paris and I hunt out the really dark stuff on TV to watch. Dianne Sylvan in writing about Vampire Diaries on her blog referred to "the sheer volume of WTFery in this show" which made me laugh and also was the perfect phrase for what's been going on in my head. The sheer volume of WTFery is making me...bored now. So a little experiment is needed. It's already bearing fruit. I've been thinking about a blog post for several days but haven't done anything about it. Today, no TV, new post.

Ow. Stop it.

I've been thinking about a post for a few weeks now and I haven't been sure about how to say what I want to say or even if I know what I want to say. Mostly the universe keeps kicking me in the head about some things in my life and to keep from getting my skull fractured, I'll write 'em down here.

I'll get in the Way Back Machine to start. A few months ago, I called in to get my blood pressure meds refilled and when I went to Fred at the pharmacy, he said that he'd had to call my doctor to get a renewal and that she wanted me to call her. When I got home, there was a message from her to call, so call I did. She said that I hadn't been in to see her for awhile (2 years) and she wanted to get my attention to make an appointment. Appointment made and away I went. I was able to get my bp meds changed from a beta blocker (the side effects were awful) to an ACE inhibitor (no side effects for me. Yay!). Had the annual (bi-annual) physical and some blood drawn. Turns out that I have what's known as "a little sugar" in my blood, also known as pre-diabetic. After all these years of eating whatever I wanted and sitting on my ass, it caught up to me. So off I went to the diabetic workshop to learn how to eat and I've started walking with my friend Ben. Our goal is to walk every night, which I have tried to do. My problem was that my shoes didn't fit right and after a very short time walking, they would kill my feet and make me ache all over. I knew I would be spending some $$ on good quality walking shoes and I didn't seem to be able to buy shoes on my own that fit properly, so yesterday I went with Mr. Bob to the New Balance store in Santa Monica. I was fitted and I love my new walking shoes. They don't pinch and they don't hurt. I walked last night and a short distance this morning and my feet don't hurt. It's a miracle.

As far as eating goes, I was doing pretty well for a bit and then I fell off the pre-diabetic food wagon, so today I went to Trader Joe's to get some food to climb back on the wagon. The basic food diagram for women is 30 carbs total for each meal and 15 carbs total for each snack. And no, carbs can't be 'saved' for later in the day. The goal is to balance the insulin levels. And here's another clue: sugar is sugar. Doesn't matter if it's sugar, honey, fructose, or any other kind. It all acts the same in your body. The real kicker for me is that I felt a lot better eating like this, so I'm going back to it.

Another way the universe is applying boot to brain is that every time I turn on the TV, I seem to land on an infomercial for an exercise dvd. Now, I have a few of those dvds and I have used them in the past and I know they work, so I keep getting these reminders to drag them out and use them. And I am. Today, I will be using my 10 Minute Trainer dvd and this week, Ofelia and I will work out to her Bar Method dvd. I will report back on what I did (or if I sloughed off and sat on my ass). I may go to a Zumba class, although I hate going to the gym. Some people do better with working out at a gym and some do better in their own living room. I belong to the latter bunch.

I'm going to go put my sweats on and work out. Next post: Paris and the ongoing effect on my life.

Kona

A friend sent me this email:

This story is true, it happened to Kona, a sweet yellow lab I call “the big blonde” because, well she is. Her owner, Laura is my oldest friend. I love them both. Laura emailed this link and the comments to me and after reading them I had three thoughts. First, some of these people are asshat trolls. Second, why do people say mean things in comments online? Then I thought of that quote that says, “Character is what you do when nobody is looking” and realized that even though they’re online in the big ole’ world wide web they are emotionally and morally hidden enough to make these snide comments with impunity. So what’s the new definition of “…nobody looking?” Or is it the same as always, because without some sort of moral compass or at least a social filter trolls aren’t even watching themselves? So while those of us who are able to self monitor always have our conscience, for lack of a better word, watching even when we are alone, trolls do not.

And yes, I did just add the word “asshat” to my dictionary. Every dictionary should have that word in it.

~B.

I agree, ~B, I agree. Trolls may sit back and snicker and think they got away with something, but then they feel shitty and don't understand why. It's because everyone who reads a troll's post think said troll is asswipe. Instant karma.

http://blog.sfgate.com/crime/2011/10/07/impaled-dog-saved-in-lafayette/

Capri

I got to talking with Mr. Ben last night about family silver and how it was always only used in our respective families on holidays. I told him I have my gramma's silver flatware (actually silver plate) and that I use it every day and that I blithely wash it in the dishwasher. This morning, I sat down to actually find out what I had and if I could get anymore of it. Turns out, it was made between 1935 - 1961 and is discontinued. I have all the place settings, but no serving pieces. Since it's discontinued, those pieces run $25.00 and above each. Also, my disregard for cleaning instructions (no dishwasher, the heat and action can peel off the thin layer of silver) means I may have to replace a fork or two. Sigh...

So That Happened

I am fat. I'm not putting myself down, merely stating a fact. I don't care for all the other terms; plus-sized, fluffy, overweight, etc., etc. I am obese, I have been for a long time. But like many fat people, I was healthy. My doctor told me that that losing weight would be good for me, but really, I never had any incentive. Now I do. I am what's known as pre-diabetic. My sugar levels are elevated. Mildly, yes, but still. If I don't do something about my weight and continue on my current course, eventually, I could become diabetic. That is NOT the future I want for myself. I have seen my cousin and my best friend's sister struggle terribly with the effects of diabetes on their lives.

Recently, like two months ago, I removed wheat from my diet again. I've known for years that wheat bothers me, it upsets my stomach and if I eat too much of it, I get migraines. Too much wheat for me is toast, or bagel, or cereal for breakfast; sandwich, or soup & crackers, or pizza for lunch; maybe some sort of pasta or bread with my dinner. After a couple of days of wheat with every meal, migraine! I was missing work because I couldn't see to drive across town, my head hurt so much. I stopped eating wheat and what do you know, the headaches went away. And I have had no problem with finding other things to eat, there are so many gluten-free products now. Plus fresh fruit, veggies, meat, fish, poultry and dairy are all gluten free. No matter if one is a carnivore or herbivore, one can be gluten-free.

Since I have had no issues with going gluten-free, no cravings that I wasn't able to handle, I knew that cleaning up my diet the rest of the way wouldn't be as big of an issue now as maybe it would have been in the past. Plus, I have my friends who are roping me... er including me in their workouts and walks. One of the tools I am currently using is a website called www.myfitnesspal.com. You can track your food and exercise for free. It really does help me to write down everything I eat, that way I can't lie to myself or forget. And yes, I even put down the two small Tootsie Rolls (they're gluten-free!) that I had with my lunch and the two I had after dinner. I have also started getting up and walking away from desk, taking a quick stroll around the office a few times a day. I do that more for the stretching of my muscles and loosening of my joints that I get. The older one gets, the harder it is to sit on one's ass all day. It surely makes my body ache all over.

Exercise also makes my body feel better. Yes, I get sore from working out, but it's a different sore. I have been working out with Ofelia on a semi-regular basis. Just a note on working out when one is obese. I cannot do everything that Ofelia can do, simply because I am 150 lbs heavier than she is. But I can do more now than I could do when I started. And when I think that it's too difficult, I realize that I am already strong just from lugging this weight around and the weight is actually working for me because it takes more energy/calories to move this weight around. Instant motivator!

So my doctor wants me to start Weight Watchers and is sending me to a nutritionist. I think I will wait to start Weight Watchers until I speak with the nutritionist. If she is happy with how and what I am eating, then maybe I'll continue this way and see what happens. I am returning to see my doctor six weeks after my initial visit. She wants me to be 6 lbs lighter and I have already dropped 2 lbs. Yay!!!

One more thing I am going to do. I am going to add this blog to my FB page. I've never told anyone about this blog, but now I taking everyone along for the ride. So sit down, strap in and hold on. There could be turbulence ahead. Or it could be smooth sailing. That's what's so great about the future. We create it as we go.

Progress

Sometimes, it feels as though I will never be done with my apartment renovations and that I am not accomplishing anything. Time to list everything I’ve done so far, in a somewhat linear manner:
I started by shredding old documents and taking electronic waste and hazardous materials (household cleaning chemicals and old paint, trying to go green here) to recycling.
I gave an armoire to a friend and donated my entertainment center to Out of the Closet. I also donated books to a thrift store and a bunch of miscellaneous items to a charity yard sale for doggie rescue.
The place has been painted and the new carpet laid down, so now, the furniture is back in place.
I have put all the books back in my two bookcases and put away most of my clothing.
I have put all the furniture and plants back on my balcony. I’ve actually done quite a bit when I read this. It helps to clear my headspace to organize my thoughts on what I want to do next.

Feeling sorry for myself

Recently, I became aware of how I feel sorry for myself. For example, I have a skin condition that comes and goes. There are topical treatments for it that help, but I can’t use it a lot because of side effects. And I’ve noticed that the better I eat, the better my skin feels and looks. But during a recent flare-up, I was having a “Why meeee?” moment, when I realized that I was having a self-pity party.
So I decided to just go with it and allow myself to indulge in how unfair it was. I gave myself a time limit, in this case, five minutes. I sat down and just went with the mood. After about, oh maybe 30 seconds, I started laughing. And got over myself.
Next time I start to go on about the unfairness of it all, I’m going to give myself a time limit to indulge. I’ll bet the same thing happens again. Self-pity really only works if you resist it. If you allow, it goes away really, really fast.

Giving myself credit where credit is due.

You ever get down on yourself for not doing the stuff on your to-do list? Or for not working out, or for eating junk food, or for any one of the eight zillion you “should” be doing? Me too. So I decided to fight back against those voices in my head that tell me I’m lazy, I’m wasting my life, I’m this, I’m that. First of all, when I start to trash myself, I will stop it immediately. All those nasty little voices do not pay any rent, so they are getting booted. (And no, I don’t ‘hear’ voices. This is all the negative crap that we all learn over the years from various sources. I’m not crazy. And I’m not playing their game anymore).So I decided that I will start noticing all the things that I get done, that I accomplish. Could be finishing all the things on my to-do list for that day. Could be taking the day for myself and doing whatever the hell I want that day, with no feeling of wasting the day.On Sunday, I did six loads of laundry, went through several boxes and selected stuff to donate to a charity yard-sale, vacuumed, gave Miss May her sub-q fluids, prepped my breakfast and lunch to take to work with me the next day.Last night, I finished my laundry and worked on my budget for the next several months. I have several trips coming up and some new furniture to buy. I want to do all of these things without going into debt, hence the budget.I will continue to post these updates. If you have finished a chore, or sat and read or watched something that you enjoyed or even did nothing at all, give yourself a pat on the back. Those nasty little voices hate that and will soon fade off into the distance.

2010

It's a beautiful day. I would like to have many beautiful days this year. I know this is possible because I had many beautiful days last year.

I was able to travel a bit and see friends and family.

I was able to realize that spending time with my family in the here and now is not the fractious irritation it was when I was a child.

I learned that living life as it is now is much better than living life through what happened in the past.

I learned that anticipating things to turn out negatively is a waste of time, because most of the time, they turn out right. And when they don't, it isn't the end of the world.

I learned that drama is boring, but passion isn't. Passion makes life interesting and exciting. Drama leaves me agitated and stuck. Passion moves me forward.

I learned that getting things to happen immediately is fun but fulfillment of a goal that I've worked a long time getting to is rewarding on levels that I haven't even become aware of yet.

I learned there's many people out there in the ether writing the most amazing stuff and posting it on their blogs where I can read it for free. I have read many things that helped me get from January 1, 2009 to January 1, 2010, in a far better mind-set than I've ever had. Things made me stop and think; things that I read that clarified what I was working on at that moment in time. It's all a step forward on the path.

I learned that sitting around on my ass may be fun (what is 'fun', anyway?) but getting up and moving around makes me feel better.

I learned that helping someone else is one of the best things I can do for myself, whether it's lending an ear to someone's problems or giving money to a worthy cause. My worthy causes this year were www.donorschoose.org and www.kiva.org. Both are places where the money I donate goes directly to the recipient, not to some anonymous organization.

I have learned a great deal of patience this year. My mother had a diagnosis of moderate dementia, she has terrible short-term memory issues. Visiting her as I do every three months or so (she lives 500 miles away) is a crash course on patience, as she asks the same question over and over again every few minutes. She can't remember what I said and this is not her fault. Patience is not my strongest attribute and by the third day of our visit, I'm always starting to crack. But I'm learning.

I learned that I have some really great friends and some really great family, some I see almost every day and some I only get to talk to on the phone or via email. But they are all great people and I am fortunate to have them in my life. My life would be much emptier without them.

I think my biggest lesson this year is that nothing about my life is all that complicated, unless I make it that way. Do I want to eat better? Yes and it just as easy to eat food that is actually tasty (and may have the added attraction of being good for me) as it is to eat junk food. Do I want to exercise more? Yes, and all I have to do is stand and walk. Couldn't be simpler. Do I want to be actively involved in my own life? Yes, I do and all I have to do is disconnect from the electronic distractions. Turning off the TV, if there isn't something specific I want to see; turning off the computer instead of spending hours on the internet looking for something interesting and not doing something interesting.

Life isn't complicated, I make it that way. In 2009, I started to realize that gradually throughout the year. In 2010, I hope that I am able to remember the lessons I learned and continue to add to them. I would like to have many beautiful days this year.